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Fic: Wishes You Didn't Make (jun/shun) - cakeorfic
PASSION. FOR YOU!!
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January 2011
 

Date: 2010-10-24 20:29
Subject: Fic: Wishes You Didn't Make (jun/shun)
Security: Public
Tags:fic: oneshot, pairing: jun/shun, rating: r
Title: Wishes You Didn't Make
Word Count: 2,930
Rating: R
Genre: Er, this is kind of all over the place...let's go with angst/smut/fluff/humor(ish).
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em.
Summary: "A dream is a wish your heart makes"? Screw that. Jun wishes his dreams would stop fucking with him.
A/N: I started this with the intention of making it funny, and, uh, that totally got away from me. Anyway, I wish there was more of this pairing around, so much so that I ended up writing it myself. Hopefully more fans will come out of the woodwork. :)



Flashes of scenes play out before him in hazy, melting detail – they are at a bar, in the bathroom, leaning all over each other and he giggles obscenely, and Shun is everywhere, invading and stifling and he can barely breathe from the sudden want – he is against the wall, pushed up and back, oh god, Shun’s hand, it – tight pressure and rough calluses, he can feel every ripple of his fingertips, every dip in his palm – he’s on his knees now, still so, so hot, it’s overbearing, he can’t take it, he wants it so badly – Shun’s fly is unzipped, sudden pressure at the base of his skull, through the hair at his nape, oh god his hands – his mouth licks and tastes with ease, with aggression, it shouldn’t be this easy, this good, he’s never done this before but it feels like he’s done this here, with Shun, countless times – and the noises, and Shun’s hands, and his hitching breath, it’s so dirty, and sloppy, he has never felt sexier, and he really can’t take it anymore, he wants to do this forever, he wants it to end, just end it, end it now –

+

“I had that dream again!” Shun says the next time they meet up for drinks.

Jun calmly sips at his beer, shifts in his chair. “The one with the cats?”

“Seriously, every other week it’s the damn cats,” Shun says, eyes widened, but he’s chuckling, so the damn cats can’t be that traumatizing. “They pin me down and claw at me and hiss and it’s just, dude, isn’t that totally fucked up?”

What’s fucked up, thinks Jun, is dreaming about giving one of your very close and platonic friends a blowjob. He has been avoiding looking Shun in the eye all night. And when he tries to look elsewhere, like just past Shun’s shoulders, his gaze inevitably, unavoidably shifts down, which is even more dangerous territory –

“I mean, what the hell kind of subconscious do I have, right?”

– it doesn’t even mean anything, people think up the weirdest scenarios when they’re in deep sleep –

“Most people dream about falling off of cliffs when they’re stressed, or, I don’t know, going to class naked and unprepared for some stupid math quiz, but nooo, I have angry cats.”

– maybe it was a stress dream? He’s been especially busy lately with filming and concert rehearsals, and he just happened to be thinking about Shun because he was excited to see him, they hadn’t had a chance to hang out in so long –

“Ne, Jun –”

– but he shouldn’t have been that excited, or that kind of excited, what the hell –

“– had any weird dreams yourself, lately?”

Jun blinks, scratches his nose, and purposefully looks Shun in the eye. “No.”

Shun grins. “You lieeee.”

“What? I’m not lying, you ass,” Jun says with practiced bemusement. “I hardly ever remember my dreams anyway.”

“Definitely lying! What about the one with the sea monster that tried to eat your legs while you were surfing?”

“I had that dream years ago, how do you even remember that?”

Or the one where you and the rest of Arashi lived on a rainbow and harvested glitter because the economy was based entirely on sparkles?”

“What the fuck, I never even told you about that one!”

“Nino did.” Shun’s smile can only be described as ‘shit-eating.’ Jun plants his face in the table for a moment and vows to finally, finally staple Nino’s mouth shut. “Point is, Jun-kun, you remember your dreams at as regular a basis as anyone else, and you are absolutely lying to my face right now, which means your most current dream was a juicy one.”

Sometimes Jun curses how well Shun knows him. While it’s wonderful most of the time to have a friend who can complete his thoughts and read his every mood, it can also be downright frustrating that someone knows him nearly as well as he knows himself. Where can he keep his secrets if Shun always snatches them right back out?

Jun tries his best glower. It has withered greater men. “I hate you. I’m not going to talk about it. Because there’s nothing to talk about.”

He’s too drunk. He should know better. This clearly only eggs Shun on even more.

“Ooooh, I think I get it,” he lilts, leaning across the table and wiggling his eyebrows. “It was a sexy-times dream, wasn’t it?”

“I haven’t had a sexy-times dream since I was 20,” says Jun. He can’t help gulping, though, and he hopes it isn’t too obvious.

Shun notices, the stupid, observant bastard. “It was a sexy-times dream! Oh man, you are telling me all about it –” He pauses, leans back again and readjusts his voice to fit the loud, consistent murmur of the bar. Even if he’s a bastard, at least he understands discretion. “You are telling me all about it when I drive you home later.”

Jun’s brow furrows in annoyance, and then in confusion. “Drive me home? We’ve been drinking for three hours...”

“Jun, Jun, Jun,” Shun smiles, and his voice is laced with affection and amusement. “I’m like ten kilos heavier than you, and I drank half as much. Soon enough I’ll be stone cold sober again.”

Jun tries his glower once more, and thinks, I am completely screwed.

+

This wouldn’t be nearly as much of an issue if he hadn’t woken up to find himself rutting desperately against the sheets. It wasn’t just a sexy-times dream; it was a sexy-times dream of the absolute worst order. He was confused, and he remembered everything, and it left him sadly but unmistakably more turned on than he’d been in ages. Why Shun? Why a blowjob? Why giving, instead of receiving? Why did his brain replay the images on near-constant loop? Why did it still make him hard?

They are in Shun’s car, now, driving along in the dark towards Jun’s apartment complex. Shun seems to have forgotten their conversation in the time between settling the tab and getting on the road.

“It sucks that we don’t live in the same building anymore,” Shun says. Jun can tell he’s pouting – he doesn’t even have to look to know.

“You’re the one who moved out,” Jun says with a sigh, eyes growing heavy. He hasn’t really been sleeping well, and the alcohol from earlier is kind of acting as a sleeping lubricant – no, not lubricant, wrong word, bad word, why won’t his brain stop

“Yeah, lesson learned. Never move to a new place with a girlfriend when the relationship is clearly doomed and it means leaving behind an awesome apartment that just happens to have a crash pad on the first floor for when you’re totally wasted.” Shun always gets more nostalgic the later it gets into the night. Like reminiscing relaxes him.

“Hmm,” Jun hums, leaning against the window. “Well now you know that abandoning me only leads to sadness and despair.” The cool glass feels amazing against his forehead.

“So true,” Shun says. “Absolutely.”

He lets the rest of the ride pass by in silence.

Jun has nearly fallen asleep when the car glides to a stop. He hears the passenger side lock click on, and sits up.

“Eh?”

Shun turns to him, face aglow in the yellow wash of the parking lot lights.

“Don’t think I’ve forgotten~” he says. “I’m not letting you out until you tell me all the sordid details! And these are child safety locks, so don’t even try to jump ship.”

“But...what?” Jun’s whole body feels sluggish; his brain is ten times moreso.

“Your dream! It must have been amazing for you to not want to talk about it at the bar. You know I love all the perv talk, so just spit it out!”

At those words Jun jolts a little closer to awake. Oh god, spit it out… Now his brain is back on track to exactly where he doesn’t want it to go, ever again. He had swallowed in the dream, he had swallowed and it had been hot and thick and Shun had kept shivering and convulsing like he couldn’t help himself, little aftershocks all over, like it had been so, so good –

“Leave it,” Jun says.

“But we always talk about these things! I miss talking about these things, man, we never talk anymore –”

“Please,” Jun grits out. “I don’t want to.” He’s so tired. He just wants to sleep without remembering; he wants to be awake without remembering. It’s ruining everything.

Shun probably senses something’s wrong, but for once he ignores the signals Jun’s giving, the signals that say he should shut up. “But Jun-kun –”

Jun snaps.

“Fine. You want to know about the dream? I’ll tell you. It was me, and it was you, and we were at the same bar we went to tonight, and we were drunk. You gave me a handjob, and then I gave you a blowjob. I sucked you off, and I woke up right after you came. The whole fucking thing was about you, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, and wondering.”

Shun gapes at him. Jun holds his breath, mortified at what he just said, at what he just admitted. He swears he can hear the parking lot lights buzzing. They’re loud, it’s too loud, he thinks, already past panicking. Why isn’t Shun saying something? Anything?

The door clicks unlocked. Shun grips the wheel, knuckles white, and stares straight ahead. Jun hesitates, then gets out, slowly. He’s looking at Shun, watching for signs of acceptance, or acknowledgment, but Shun refuses to meet his gaze. He stands in the entryway to his building and watches his friend drive away.

+

The don’t speak for four months, after that.

+

Jun realizes, he does, that he should have called or texted or something, just to try to explain. He had had time to mull and consider when he dropped his little bombshell on Shun – not that it made things any clearer – but at least it wasn’t quite as much of a shock to his system by the time he confessed. He understood that Shun needed to process what he told him, but then he wasn’t sure how long the processing should take, and then he admitted to himself that he was too embarrassed to make the first move towards making things right between them again. What he blurted out…it was messed up. It was messy and messed up. He still can’t stop thinking about it. He has had the dream, and several variations on its theme, many more times since they last saw each other.

To try to explain...what is there that can be explained? Jun still doesn’t understand. He wishes he could. Just the thought of Shun, of seeing him again, makes his palms sweat and his mouth go dry.

His whole being itches when he finds out that Shun is going to guest on VS Arashi along with the cast of his new fall drama.

+

Shun bumps into him – literally – in the green room. It’s such a cliché. Jun has missed him so much.

“Oh. Jun,” Shun says, rubbing at the back of his neck.

“Shun,” Jun replies, scratching his nose. It must be obvious to everyone else how awkward this is. They both have their nervous tics.

“Um, well, I have to...” Shun says. He points at an arbitrary point off towards the hallway and makes to walk away.

Wait,” Jun says. Shun pauses. “Please.”

Shun’s mouth settles in a hard line, but he nods like he knows they need to talk, and then he nods towards the emergency exit door, which leads to a little alcove where the Arashi members sometimes take smoke breaks. Of course Shun would know about it.

No one notices when they go outside.

They stand in silence, and Jun is scared to break it, is desperately afraid that he’s killed their friendship, but he needs to know.

“Shun, I –”

He doesn’t expect Shun to interrupt him, but maybe that’s because he’s out of practice. “I figured out why I freaked out so hard at what you told me.”

“...Sorry?” He thinks, and has thought these past months, that Shun freaked out a reasonable amount. It was Jun who was in the wrong, Jun who said something stupid, Jun who had the dream and keeps having the dream and who has an unreasonable thing for his friend.

“Four months is a long time, Jun-kun. It’s a really long time for a silly dream you told me about when you were drunk.” Shun sounds exhausted.

“But,” Jun starts, and then he doesn’t know how to continue. He forces himself. “But I don’t blame you for freaking out. I understand, it was weird, and I’m sorry –”

“You told me that you couldn’t stop thinking about it,” Shun says. He looks at his sneakers, at the cigarette butts in the stairwell, at the cement walls, anywhere but at Jun. “You told me it got you wondering. Well, ever since you told me, I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m wondering.”

Jun can’t breathe. It’s like the car all over again. Why did he think this conversation would be a good idea? No, not a good idea, but necessary? He needs to hear what Shun has to say just as much as he needs the ground to swallow him whole.

“It was good, right? In your dream?”

Jun stares at him. He gives the barest of nods.

Shun sighs and leans heavily against the door. “Mine, too.”

What?

What?” It comes out a whisper despite Jun’s best efforts.

“You know how sometimes when you think about something a lot, or really intensely before you go to sleep, you end up dreaming about it? I don’t know if that’s how it started for you, but that happened for me. After you told me,” he shifts his weight, looking uncomfortable, “I thought about it, and kept thinking, and these images just wouldn’t stop playing in my head.”

“I know the feeling,” Jun mutters.

“And they follow me everywhere!” Shun says, as though he hadn’t heard him. “You follow me everywhere, because of fucking Arashi and its fucking ad campaigns. You are spokespeople for everything. I turn around, and there’s your face on a billboard with your giant, stupid mouth.”

Jun looks up from Shun’s knees, startled. “You stare at my mouth?”

Shun keeps going; he’s on a roll now. “I think I had the same dream as you did. We were at the bar, and we were all stumbling into the bathroom, and then it’s like, whoa, surprise blowjob!”

“You started it,” Jun says, but he doesn’t even know what he’s arguing about.

“And it was good! It was really, really good, and really, stupidly hot, and then I got to thinking, is it just dream-good, or do I actually want this in real life?” Jun is too shocked to interrupt this time – not that Shun would even give him time to. “And then I had more dreams, with different stuff – god, one time I was fucking you up against the mirror in the makeup trailer from Hanadan – and they got even better, and I see you everywhere so it’s not like I can ignore it, and then time got away from me and I didn’t know how to get back in touch or if I even wanted to.”

He finally stops talking, and runs a shaky hand through his hair. Jun can’t stop shivering. Is it nerves? Fear? Anticipation? It takes him several moments to collect his bearings.

“Okay,” is what Jun decides to begin with. “Okay, before anything else, I hope that even if you can’t get past all of this, we can still be friends. I don’t think I could take it if we really weren’t friends anymore. These past few months have been terrible.”

Shun peers down at his face, shy and quiet. “Can you get past all this?”

Jun can’t help it – it’s too ridiculous a question, and his lips quirk into a small, crooked smile. “I haven’t been able to get past all this longer than you haven’t, you jerk.”

“So...you still think about it?” Shun asks. His eyes are wide and curious, and very, very dark.

“All the time,” Jun breathes. “And the dreams, too.”

“Oh,” says Shun.

“Yes,” says Jun. “Oh.” Shun laughs.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call you,” he says.

“Me too.” Jun feels more relieved than he ever has. He’s still shivering, but the emotion meters in his head are pointing distinctly at “anticipation” now.

“Well then,” says Shun. “Now that we’ve both had our awkward sexual confessions, what’s the next step?” He’s grinning lopsidedly, and it’s clear to Jun that Shun is happy, maybe even ecstatic, that Jun doesn’t hate him. Might even like him, a little.

“Well,” Jun says, tapping his chin with an index finger, “I think we go back inside and film the show.”

“And then?”

“We go out for drinks afterwards at our dingy bar.”

“And then?”

Jun leans into Shun, as close as he dares for the moment, and looks him directly in the eyes. He sees a spark of interest and something else that’s untouchable. For now.

“And then you get lucky in the bathroom.”

Shun licks his lips, and Jun thinks, Maybe my subconscious isn’t so bad after all.
Post A Comment | 25 Comments | Share | Link






オレンジ: 滝谷源治
User: smapxorenji
Date: 2010-10-25 01:26 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:滝谷源治
OMGOSH.
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User: cakeorfic
Date: 2010-11-04 00:44 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Thank you for reading!
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iqachipmunk
User: iqachipmunk
Date: 2010-10-25 01:52 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
hot hot hot! I'm burning here!
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User: cakeorfic
Date: 2010-11-04 00:45 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Thank you for reading!
Reply | Parent | Thread | Link



jordensmom
User: jordensmom
Date: 2010-10-25 01:55 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
OMGoodness!!! I think I'm going to like this one! update SOON, PLEASE?!?!
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User: cakeorfic
Date: 2010-11-04 00:46 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Thank you for reading! And haha, this is technically a oneshot story, but I actually do have an idea for a sequel to this. No promises on when I'll be done with it, though. :)
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fancyann1974
User: fancyann1974
Date: 2010-10-25 02:29 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
very very hot and sexy
thank you so much for sharing
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User: cakeorfic
Date: 2010-11-04 00:47 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Thank YOU so much for reading!
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sabi_she
User: sabi_she
Date: 2010-10-25 04:25 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
This is my first time reading anything with Shun. I loved it. :D
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User: cakeorfic
Date: 2010-11-04 00:48 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Thank you! Shun is always a good addition, I think.
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二コーです。: shun
User: daisuki_dkzen
Date: 2010-10-25 04:51 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:shun
HA! sexy-times~! They both confessed like little girls; how awkward and cute was that?! xD
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User: cakeorfic
Date: 2010-11-04 00:49 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Haha, well they're both pretty awkward guys, so...
Thanks for reading!
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maki-chan: pic#99631456
User: maca25890
Date: 2010-10-25 04:59 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:pic#99631456
WOOW!! s e x y! ^//^
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User: cakeorfic
Date: 2010-11-04 00:49 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Thank you for reading!
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mikkie28
User: mikkie28
Date: 2010-10-25 14:02 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I love you for this.
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User: cakeorfic
Date: 2010-11-04 00:49 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Yay! Thanks very much for reading!
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User: cakeorfic
Date: 2010-11-04 00:50 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Thank you for reading!
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agnes_yunita
User: agnes_yunita
Date: 2010-10-30 04:41 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Dreams come true
hehehe
thank u
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User: cakeorfic
Date: 2010-11-04 00:50 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Thank you for reading!
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st
User: satsumatsu
Date: 2010-10-30 19:10 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
lucky in the bathroom, dear yes~

i so so love it that i read it far too often.
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User: cakeorfic
Date: 2010-11-04 00:51 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Thank you for reading!
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ZerochaphiL
User: zerochaphil
Date: 2011-04-12 19:49 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I love this pairing and I love your fiction so much ^^
Thank you very much ^^
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Cause you never know what lies beneath...
User: geminib
Date: 2011-05-13 17:31 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Wow... accidentally got here and as always in my case, the good thing just happened... I love this pairing and wish there will be more. Your writing is great and the characters were so real, I could see the angst and beyond. Thanks :)
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elvenknight16: Shindong
User: elvenknight16
Date: 2011-08-17 17:45 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:Shindong
I'm glad some people still consider this a very possible pairing~
Because they are so cute together!
Great Job by the way =D
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hotaru_schiffer
User: hotaru_schiffer
Date: 2011-10-02 03:06 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
aaaahhhhhh~~~~
You cut it in the really really Good place... >////<
but, this is really intersrring story...
and I rarely read fanfic with Jun and Shun pair...
don't know where to find it^^

thanks for sharing^^
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